Date:	2008-04-19 12:38
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

Ahhh, I love weekends, nothing to do, and when you do, its usually for oneself. Enough of that, I got a marathon of movies planned for the extended weekend that I got. Bee Movie, American Gangster, Bourne Ultimatum.... and not to forget, eyedrops, popcorn, a large bottle of Coke and all ready to go. 1st up, American Gangster



We all have our local homemade gangsters, not in 1970’s America. Well the fact that Americans are not really Americans at all helps. Gangsters were, Irish, Italians, Russians... etc. Not Americans, especially not Black. Well post 1970 changed that. The film is about two equally men, equally passionate about their life, businesses and equally non bullshitting. Except that they are on a collision course. Frank Lucas is a brilliant Drug Lord from Harlem and one of the smartest people around, Ritchie Roberts is a downright honest cop and no amount of bribery can change him. And they are about cross paths.

Brilliant performance from Denzel Washington as frank Lucas ensured I was well and truly into the movie. His characters’ calmness and the ferocity comes in parts and intermingles absolutely fantastically. Russel Crowe, though brilliant, just about gets a tad overshadowed by the brilliance of Washington. Add to the superlative performance, another gem... the story. At a time where African Americans were stuggling to survive and come to the forefront, Frank Lucas, rose above all others. He was Gangster, not Gangsta, and beat everybody, be it Italians, Russians, or others at their own game of drug dealing. How can a nondescript Black man from Harlem do that? The answer’s ‘Outsourcing’! Vietnam. Cheap, easy availability, and brilliant business acumen and a warzone. As with every war, fortunes change. For some, it swings a LOT. Now Frank Lucas was No. 1 enter Ritchie Roberts. A man with nothing to lose, and everything to lose. His sole duty is to bring down Frank Lucas. And he heads the Narcotics Division of NYPD.

Russel Crowe and Denzel Washington do not have many scenes together. Yet when these two share the screen, expect fireworks. Bloody brilliant. Forget everything else. This is 1970’s America! With authentic simulation of Harlem, people, ideals, and Blue Magic!

Date:	2008-04-19 11:48
Subject:	Bee Movie
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

I love bees. I love the way they organize themselves, work every day till the end of their lives, and believe the fact that their hive is the greatest good of all. Why am I ranting about bees? Cause I saw the all new Bee Movie! WooHoo



Jerry Seinfeld’s first animated production stars himself, Reneé Zellweger, Matthew Broderick. Chris Tucker and a whole lot of other guest appearances. Even if they didn’t I’d still watch this movie, it’s so good. Barry B. Benson is a newly graduated bee all on the road to find out where he belongs in the bee world. On a dare he visits the outside world where he meets Vanessa, a florist who just saves his life. Its against the rules to talk to a human, but Barry does so anyway. And their relationship blooms. Accompanying Vanessa to a store, Barry finds out about the honey humans apparently stole from the bees, who have worked so hard to collect. He then does a human and together with his pals, Vanessa and Adam, SUES the honey business, and wins, ensuring that bees never have to work again. Alas, things don’t go too well and things are not as hunky dory as one might think.

Barry is very likeable and Seinfeld really put some life into his character with his odd broken voice. Some previous after-effects of his Seinfeld days seem evident, mostly incorporated into the good number of wisecracks thoroughly splattered all over the movie. Reneé Zellweger is well, Reneé Zellweger, does well every time and even gets to crack quite a few jokes. Other special appearances have their brilliant, though short lines. Hyper cool! Drewmworks Animation does nothing wrong here. Picture quality, character detail are all good, Dreamworks Style. In fact all Dreamworks Animation movies are rib tickling funny. Jokes, spoofs and other needling form an integral part of all their movies. Audio wise, music is good but it never comes to the fore, so much so that you hardly notice it. The visual artistry is brilliant, acting is good, and the script and dialogues just plain hilarious. So what’s wrong with the movie? I don’t know. All I know is that I enjoyed it very much, as well as a million other people.

Date:	2008-04-09 20:16
Subject:	Roadrunner Honk!
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry

There are many things to learn in a big new city, most important is adapting to it. But being from a whole different region with a whole different culture makes it a little more difficult. Now I have lived my whole life in a sleepy little city and even though I heard ‘tales’ of the big city, nothing prepared me for the rush that is Delhi. All the people here seem to be rushing somewhere. And nobody gives a damn about anybody else. Most people seem to be very, very loaded here, which means the ones who aren’t have the added tension of making up, whatever it takes.
The most visual of these are of course in traffic. Accidents happen every day and all happens due to this extreme disregard to traffic laws. I have been here only a month now, but even then have been dragged into very, very tight situations. On two occasions only my ‘gaming’ reflexes saved me from a ‘Game Over’ situation. No wonder every front page lists gruesome accidents every day. Just yesterday I saw 4 burly Sardars crammed into one teeny tiny Yamaha RX 100 and still doing 100 KMPH ON A BUSY street!! Now the Yamaha is one hell of a bike but surely wasn’t designed to handle excess of 300 Kg of Sardars at 100 KMPH. I’ll never know whether they returned home safely or not, but I know someday luck has to run out.
Another standout feature is the BUSES. They obey absolutely no laws. No wonder they run over someone just about every day. Of course there are the elite of buses.... THE BLUE LINE BUSES. Now these are special. They are the ones most likely to cause accidents. Perhaps the drivers feel that they are driving an F1 instead of a Hulking bus. This actually has a huge impact on the country’s death ratio. You can’t simply how many laws these thugs break, if you tried hard enough, you will probably be able to measure the rate of offences these guys commit.
You think that’s enough? I had a most harrowing ride on a cab the other day. I think I think my entire life flashed before my eyes during the time I was in the cab. Come on, when you’re close enough to the car in front to read your reflected licence plates, and you’re doing 100KMPH, you can only think of one thing. A little abrupt braking and you’re ready to meet St. Peter. The traffic dilemma has reached so hi a level of decadence that Delhi had to make separate lanes for buses with a little divider between lanes. And that’s where the authorities went wrong. “Little dividers” cannot stop buses from changing lanes illegally. Huge 10 foot walls probably can. Even little cars ride over speed breakers and ‘little dividers’ like it does not exist. Buses......... Killer buses.........
Enough about lawbreakers now. What about the lawmakers and law upholders? Well we do hear a number of challans being dished out at will. But this simply not enough, especially the ridiculously low fines (relative to Delhi’s citizens’ income). Most policemen will just turn the other way. They know when they’re beat. Why they don’t rope in the hardcore criminals driving on the streets I’ll never know....... nah, all these lawbreakers have either too much money or political backing and besides its more profitable that way. You let one go, tens more will appear and this keeps the registers ringing. I say, if they wanted too, all these can be roped in before you can say mama. Hike the fines times 10, send them to jail for a couple of months, confiscate their cars, do something that WILL affect the criminals, perhaps the fear of a great loss can make them better drivers!!

Date:	2008-03-23 21:08
Subject:	Holi Hai!!!!!!!!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	cynical

Holi is the festival of colours. I bet everybody knows that, but of late it has become famous, infamous more so, because of other issues. Heck I have celebrated Holi all my life and now I find wasn't celebrating the right way. The right way being....... groping!!!!!!!

Hee Hee, that's right, Far from the spirit of Holi, a new form of Enjoyment has taken root! Sure enough , you can actually see all of this live!!! No I am no pervert, but come on, I do observe things around me. Well actually it is actually hard to spot when you are walking down the street cause mostly you are lookin around and up for devastating water balloons filled with obnoxious paint and doing your best to dodge them. So that leaves very little leeway to spot the MERRY MAKERS. Now things are very different here, but ultimately it boils down to same competition of Colour fight. Try to Colourize your enemy all the while dodging their attacks. What fun!! For kids, of course!!

And there's the issue of being high! 90% of the people I saw were quite tipsy and all it takes is a little encouragement for them to break out into lurid songs involving "Cholis" and its purpose. And this is just the morning session!!

Next comes the really rowdy part. Fisticuffs!! Aah!! Nothing like a good old fashioned Brawl to waste all the energy gathered while being high. And lots of time it does get brutal! Hey, its Holi after all!! I bet the next day all of these people won't remember a thing and maybe they'll kiss and make up for everyone knows it was just the Bhang doin' its thing.

Speaking of wastage, the apparent shortage of water in and around Delhi was not apparent at all. You'd think we lived by the sea just by looking at the wet, colourful 'galis'. People zealously sprayed anybody and everybody with Tap water!! And of course, it was Water Conservation Day, On "Holiday"

So after a long drawn process of screwing around my awesomely worthless life, I finally decided that it was time to take it to the next level, and make it a little less... worthless!! So here I am now in the Capital, with a promise to myself, by me, to make something out of nothing, and I must say that just travelling opened my comatose outlook a bit. I knew the world is big and complex but I had never known how big and how complex it was until I left the sheltered space of home.

Issues which never bothered me were making a huge impact now. And I now realize, even if only a little bit, what reality is and how insignificant has been on this world.

Date:	2007-11-05 12:34
Subject:	Transformers
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	LP

This is it, the coolest movie of the year for me. The very entertaining hour and forty-four minutes I spent watching it says it all. A big smile after that enhances it. Super cool effects, hottest babes with the hottest accent and sexy cars/robots give out a thumping impact.

For all not in the know, Transformers is the story of a paranoid, hormonal teenager who gets mixed in an intergalactic war that takes place right here on Earth. Transformers are a race of giant mechanical robotic life forms divided into two factions, Autobots (good) and Decepticons (evil). Their wars has ravaged their land and brought the two factions into a stalemate. Now the Decepticons seek "The Cube" to turn the tide of the war and conquer the Universe. By coincidence, the "cube" just happens to land on earth, and so Earth becomes the new battleground. I wont reveal the rest.

Let me just say one thing, the SFX in the movie are AWESOME. Superb animations, great graphics and sweet, sweet audio make it a much more engrossing movie than it really is, and the title track by Linkin Park, which plays at the end just is the bomb, really. I have never loved a movie so much in 2007.

Sadly, the live actor acting is not upto the mark, but who cares, at least the babes are hot. The movie also features a host of guest stars like Bernie Mac etc. But really The SFX takes all the cake.

The out and out action action movie does have some funny moments, some of whom do remain with you after its over. But the smooth action hogs the attention. Once again, AWESOME. Ok it still is muted, but still feels great.

Is this the best movie of the year? Maybe so, but it's certainly the coolest.

Date:	2007-10-01 04:38
Subject:	High on Human Emotion
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

Because of my recent trips to the B. Baruah Cancer Institute, I have com face to face with the most gut wrenching emotions that we as human beings can profess.

My dad was diagnosed with "Squamous Cell Carcinoma" better known as throat cancer. Credits for discovering the cancer goes, surprisingly, not to the doctors, but to my mom. Just the way my dad was coughing, (a little different than the usual) made her suspicious and she somehow convinced my dad to get a checkup done. Well I knew my dad had it coming, what with all the cigarettes he keeps smoking, but nothing prepared me for the earth shattering news.

Let's just say, the word CANCER can give almost all men the heebeejeebies. This does not include my dad! Thankfully after rounds of highly expensive tests, it was found that the cancer was at the nascent stage and the percentage of survival was very high. Percentage of survival? Is this how doctors view human lives? As a mere number? Now comes the more shocking part!

My dad is the worst person I know. Everything he says has to be done. Now when the discussion about his treatment came up, he put his foot down and declared that he was not going to get treatment anywhere outside the state. Everything we did could not bring him to change his mind. And when my elder brother tries to convince him, the words my dad used against him brought him to tears, well actually he wept uncontrollably.

I have never seen my brother weep, let alone wail uncontrollably. He has forever been the pillar of support in my tumultuous life. And to see him in this way devastated me.

Well, all those things passed, and we began treatment at the only Cancer Treatment Institute in town. Let's just say, it is not a very inviting place what with wall to wall posters depicting various stages of cancer activity. Man, you'd think people would give up smoking when confronted with these awesomely gruesome posters. But no; they even had to put up signs prohibiting smoking within the hospital campus. Hilarious! It's a wonder how thick headed we are!

Now with the ongoing Chemotherapy and all, I have seen, felt and heard of anguish and of course, a little joy. Will remark in the next post.

Date:	2007-08-19 11:50
Subject:	Robert Langdon
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

This is the stuff that has been keeping me busy over the weekend, and I must say it wasn't a very good one either.

For starters, this books emphasises the fact that this was the first of the (many?) Robert Langdon "Adventures." I had the misfortune of reading this after the Blockbuster "Da Vinci Code." However something struck me as odd. The plots are very similar as well as the characters. It starts of with a gruesome murder of a top level scientist at CERN. Accompanying that is a strange and mysterious symbol called an ambigram - a word or a sentence that has a 180 degree symmetry i. e. turn it around upside down, and it is the same word over. Well this is very similar to the Code where the victim leaves behind a clue in the form of a symbol and a also an anagram. A little been there, perhaps?

Next up, there is a secretive assasin! Yeah, just like the Code. Only this time he's an Arab. Sure is discreet! You'd never find him ain a crowd of Caucasians. Anyway this dude is the hire of a very secretive Illuminati group, doing their dirty work for them, misled or otherwise.

The other part, anti-matter. Dan takes us on a roller coster ride on this one. Apparently this scientist has found the answer to Genesis in anti-matter form, which also has the gruesome distinction of being a potential ingredient for a whole new type of nuclear device! And somebody has stolen a "very large" sample of this. Robert is called in to decipher the symbol and it turns out that this was an ancient symbol of an anti-christ super-secret group called ILLUMINATI, who took a bold stand against the Church in a war between Science And Religion. In the long run the Illuminati was forgotten and became supposedly extinct. But now in the age of science, it has come back with full force and trounce the Church and glorify science. These guys stole the anti-matter bomb and planted it in a hidden area in the Vatican, no less. And the authorities has less than 24 hours to find it.

One thing I gotta say about Dan Brown. His plots are extreme and really over the top. The whole plot takes place right in the Seat of Christianity. While the Code was all over France, This books takes over the Vatican and the locales, and tourist sites are extremely well documented. you can probably use this book as a tour guide.

The book, is a little over the top, and has not enough of a believable plot. The characters are so similar to the Code that i wonder why the Code was such a hit, this being the first of the Robert Langdon books? Any it got me intrigued about other books by the author. How similar are those? Anyways the read is just not WOW! But it's a good read nonetheless, like in short journeys.

If there was ever a true Indian, This is him:



Damned politicians branded him of being a terrorist, falsely or otherwise. Based on suspect evidence, he emerged as the newest terrorist suspect. Now that he is dismissed and all charges against him dropped, everybody who sympathized with him says he ought to sue the Australian government. But what does he do? he says no apologies are necessary. If you really have to apologize, apologize to India!!!! Damn right. If only other "Indians" were so patriotic. Haneef take a bow, I salute you.

Poor guy, his cousins tried to blow up a car bomb. I doubt he knew what his cousins were. He is the first person arrested and detained under the 2005 Australian Anti-Terrorism Act and the first to have his detention extended under the Act, being detained for twelve days without being charged with a crime. that speaks a lot about the Australian Government's paranoia. It may even be that the political honchos were trying to win some extra votes. Who knows? Fact is that, Haneef is wrongly charged and he thought this as a slur against hs country. That's something, isn't it?

Date:	2007-07-31 22:34
Subject:	ShootOut
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

I just watched Shootout At Lokhandwala this weekend. And here's how it fared. But before I say anything let me say that I'm a really harsh reviewer, and with that all I can say about the film is that it's GOOD

When the production company is Balaji, you can safely bet your ass that its gonna be a crappy film, I mean the reputation precedes the company. Currently ruling the airwaves, Balaji makes the most boring, the most superficial and the most inane soaps ever... and most of India watched the same old hackneyed storylines with rapt attention.

Enough of Balaji, the film is thankfully NOT like their serials, although some elements are readily idenfied. Like wives dresin in their best clothes, jewellery, shoes to go to the..... loo!!

Well, Shootout is the story about Maaya's gang versus the a special branch of Police. Brilliant acting by Sanjay Dutt and Vivek Oberoi brings out the essence of the characters. But all others disappoint. Arbaaz Khan's comic dialogues fails to impress.

But what grabs you about Shootout is the story, apparently based upon true rumours. The films starts of with Sanjay Dutt, Arbaaz Khan and Suil Shetty replaying the events leading to the event. Kind of like the game Black, se we already know WHO won. Als it ends with mangled bodies dragged over to a vehicle, so we know who lost. But it is not about that. Its all about what happens in betwen. Short and sweet, the action is bang in your face and will not disappoint.

Thae only gripe about this film is the background score. Not that its bad (or good!), but it seems out of place in the film. And best of all there is only about three songs in the film, all of them item numbers. The ladies have very little to do in the film and really won't even be missed in the heat of the film.

So there it is, and above average film brought to you by (surprisingly) by Balaji.

The last post was written in a hurry and keeping Harry in the limelight. This time it is the new President of India who is getting the treatment.

So India, in its 60th year of Independence, got its first woman President. Being one of a rare breed of people who do not harbour chauvinistic feelings, I wondered if Pratibha Patil would even be able to fill the shoes of the outgoing President. Yes A. P. J. Abdul Kalam is one heck of a guy. I mean it. No other President has ever captured the imagination and deepest respect of the future of India, the children. Dr. Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan is, perhaps, the only one who could have given Kalam a run for his money (if you forgive the expression.) And we know how we celebrate his birthday.

Kalam was respected and more importantly, loved by the young India. I like everything about him, his tone of voice, his sweet demeanour, his intelligence, his character and of course his hair. While he was sworn in there was a heated argument about what to do about his hair. Thankfully, it stayed.

Perhaps India was recently the only country where the President and Prime Minister is the prime example of Scholastic brilliance (I do not know the educational qualifications of Pratibha Patil). One is a nuclear scientist responsible for India’s nuclear power, and the other has never stood second in his life. I challenge any country to top that. And before that there were many, K.R. Narayanan, Dr. Radhakrishnan, Rajiv Gandhi to name a few. If such men are at the helm of the country we can only assume that the 60years young Country would be going great guns. We are not, sadly, which brings us to the sorry state of Indian politics.

First off, the only thing that the President of India does is…. Nothing. Yes all constitutional machinery is run in his name, but he has nothing to do with it. He can reject (more like resend for review) a bill passed by the MPs once, but that’s that. And that’s what Kalam did. His stand on the reservation quota bill irked many ministers and he paid the price for it. These ministers have come to believe that the President is their stooge. The only thing keeping them away from Kalam’s throat is the fact that he is twice as more educated and a hundred times more respected by Indians than these minsters. So the only thing they could do is not make him President again. Also by this time Kalam himself was disgusted, I think, and it was almost clear he did not want to run for President again.

Pratibha Patil, though not new to the Indian political scene, has an impossible task ahead of her: Step into the giant shoes of Kalam. A first look at her almost confirms that she will most likely be a Gyani Zail Singh type, a “Yes, Sir” or “Yes, Ma’am” President. Not taking anything away from her, I want to bring to light the flawed nature of the Presidential election. Its stupid. It was certain who would be president right from the beginning. The presidential candidate has to be nominated by the parties. These parties only nominate people who agree to whatever the party will say. So here’s to Pratibha Patil. Oh, and what happened to the other person running for president? So disappointed was he that he resigned his job as Vice President! Couldn’t take being defeated by a girl, could you? Seriously, he was probably disgusted by the fact that some (a lot) of his own party members had voted against him. Shaky foundations?

Before I get arrested, by sleep, that is, I would just like to congratulate Pratibha Patil, who will go down in history as the first Woman President Of India. Cheers!! And Three cheers for the outgoing President Of India. We’ll miss you!

So India has its very own girl President. Whew! things are really going to change now..... Not. The only thing that the Indian president can do is swear.... Ministers to office. Hee Hee. Anyways what's important that there are probably no more places that are the prime domonance of men. maybe America will also have a Girl President, who does not dance next to 50 cent!!!!



Also Potter mania grips the world. Man, can you imagine people camping out in front of bookstores, trying to be the first in line for a BOOK. You would think people are queueing out for antidote for some epidemic. On top of it all, news reports came in that some smart aleck moron kids started reading the book from the last page, just to find out who dies. Bullshit! Where is the passion, man? If you're a fan, go with the flow of the book. I bet many of them are going to post online and divulge the mystery, spoiling the whole suspense for the others. Sound's like a stupid person I know...Tansuman.

But nonetheless, it was a great launch. Pity I live in a backward area. But even here, the mania has struck. There was a significant number of people queueing up in front of the major bookstores selling the stuff. Good to see that the obscene price has not deterred away some people. :)

Man, it's like cocaine. You can never have enough of it. What's going to happen when you finish it? It this the end of the boy wizard? What will the millions of Potter fans do? maybe J. K. Rowling will write some spinoffs from the wizarding universe? Who knows?

Well the other day I did the impossible, the unsurpassable and the greatest feat of all.......... Cook.

Yes, cook. The one thing I never did in the past. And it was good too! Last Thursday found me alone in the house. So what did I do? called three friends over and had a blast. But having a party is not a problem, arranging food for the gluttonous friends is!

A couple of hours later we had what is called an extreme hunger pangs. So we decided to order food. But of course ordering food takes money, which we, almost at all times, are short of. So we decided to cook something for ourselves. But of course the lazy bums who I call friends just decided (forcefully) to make me cook. What friends they are! To risk their lives (or maybe their colon health) on my hands! Well With great responsibility comes greater grief. So I bought some mutton, some spices and some other stuff. My ultimate test.

So far all that I have cooked is..... water. (lol, bad joke!). but this does not mean that I can't move onto something else. Well now was the ultimate test. being a huge fan of food myself, I have formed an idea of the procedures invilved in cooking. And I started cooking with ernest all the while letting my instincts guide me. (Miyagi would have peen proud if he were a cook. ;)) While cookingm I actually realized that I actually enjoyed cooking. Hah, I felt like a master of art creating his ultimate creation.

A little of this, a ton of that, saute, saute, saute... chop, chop, chop..... And there it was my first cooked meal! Now only one ingredient remained. A man brave enough to taste the creation. It seems hunger brings out bravery in man, and so I easily got one buddy to do it. It seemed like a year befor he gave out the results of a very tiring job.

"It's awesome." Now I don't know if it was the hunger or good cooking. but these words were pure music to my and my other friends' ears. Man! I never saw food disappear so fast. In the blink of an eye, I went from cooking to cleaning dishes!

All that was needed now was a rest! Phew cooking, even though enjoyable, tired me and I went out like a light when I hit the bed.

All's well that ends well. I asked all my party friends their health the next day. Suffice to say they were all alive!

Check this out too:

Namastey London

This film is bad! The only reason I watched is features Katrina Kaif, the greatest beauty in Bollywood, and Zubeen Garg. It seems I have finally taken a fancy to Katrina. Super cool-looking. She plays a British Indian girl who wants to marry a British guy. Exasperated father Rishi Kapoor takes a trip with her to India to subtly force her to marry an Indian guy, Akshaye Kumar. Twists occur. She terminates her arranged marriage in London much to the horror of Akshaye. But because Indians are good people, he doesn’t feel badly about her and even makes her a good friend, helping her in times of need, etc. etc. Clichés like comparing Britain to India, (no prizes for guessing what’s better) Katrina finally falling for him, a London tour, etc. makes the film super boring. Same goes for the songs. Except one by (you guessed it) Zubeen Garg. The only thing watchable is Katrina Kaif, who looks the best she ever has. Mamasita!




I see You!

This film is even worse than the above. The only thing you remember when you wake up from the film is “Carbon Copy.” Why did I see it? Zubeen again! Being a duplicate of “Feels like Heaven” I would have written off the story as lame but watchable, but I made a mistake of watching the original film only a few days earlier. Every element in the film is copied. Perhaps the filmmakers (if we can call them that!) were relying on the ignorance of audiences. Plagiarism ? What’s that? Mind numbing sensations are coursing through my body. In some parts of the world, people are stripped off their awards for “taking elements of other peoples’ work.” Here…….

The filmmakers are daft to think they could take us for a ride, what with Indians becoming Americans. In the age of huge exposure to western world, who is going to appreciate your film? Fucking morons!

Featuring “acting” talents of ______ (whoops! I forgot his name already) and ________ (what’s her name?) this film is a ridicule of all films everywhere. Heck, this is a ridicule to all other “Carbon Copies” as well! Utter horseshit! Enjoy.





Bheja Fry

Just when I had given up all hope on Hindi films here comes one that instils my fate in it. I admit, I am not exactly a fan of current Hindi films (oldies I really like, though). And why not? Terms like “carbon copy”, “dead boring”, “lame” etc. are synonymous with Hindi films. Oh yeah, using loooong names, double (sometimes triple) Ks, As Hs etc. also help. And this rainy season, I have watched more films in two days than I have over the last year. Biggest reason is yet the length of the films. 3 to 4.5 hours? C’mon, my butt gets freaked out in anticipation of the long haul. Maybe that’s why I seem to like short movies. And the shortest on yet is Bheja Fry! Read on
There are two kinds of Hindi films, big names and unknown names. Bheja is the latter. Featuring no big names, no big budget, and extremely enjoyable script, it comes out as a fresh flower among dirty rotten ones (Hah! Siddhuism!) Though no big names are present, the actors are well known and that takes of the jaan-pehchaan thingy. Good dialogue and acting (some overacting) makes it really funny and enjoyable. Perhaps Indian people have become mature enough to appreciate good low budget films rather that bad high budget films.

None of the actors’ performances are great, but even that makes no difference. No exotic locations or anything, but no sweat. Good story with a few good twists takes the cake. Rajat Kapoor’s character plays a rich music producer who has jeopardized his marriage to Sarika. He and his high profile friends have a weekly get-together every Friday making an idiot of struggling artists to laugh at. Enter super idiot Vinay Pathak, dreaming of being a Sangeetkar and easily fooled by Rajat. By and by Vinay’s antics make a mess of Rajat’s already messed up life, resulting in hilarious comedy.

If you still haven’t seen the film, go out and rent out the video. This film is targeted primarily at mature, urban audiences and yet made 100 times its production value. Isn’t that reason enough?

It seems that the people of Guwahati like to stay dirty and sad. The sadeness in Guwahati (or for that matter) lies in the Monsoon. It the yearly phenomenon which brings us much misery and well, maybe a little relief too. This year the Monsoon was muted in Guwahati but even then it managed to flood the streets bringing the entire city to a grindingly wet halt. Just this Monday, yours truly managed to get stuck in the Deluge that washed over the city.

What should have been a 15 minute job took a total of 5 hours to complete. That, my friends, is the true story. I could never describe the situation; you’d have to experience it. With my old (and very heavy, I might add) scooter, I went out for an errand, which I foolishly thought will only take about 15 minutes… and it did. It’s the returning home that didn’t! It took just 45 minutes of medium-heavy shower overflow the streets. Imagine! Although this happens every year, people thought this year would be different, what with the de-silting of drains and waterways by the government. Foolish people! As if these guys know what they are doing! They can only wait and watch as the city floods. Maybe that’s what we do? Wait for the annual flooding. Stupid government can’t even battle a little amount of rain. Lynch them I say. We probably lose about a hundred crores each year to floods, and I am not even mentioning lives. All assurances by the government falls flat. C’mon can’t we just live a quiet nice life over the rainy season?

Anyways caught up in the flash flood, I came up with some observations, and a kaleidoscope of mixed feelings passed through my mind. Watching others in the same situation as me, (engine stalled, wet, and very angry) brought relief that I was not the only fool out there!! Though the rains bring doom to many, it is also a boon for others. Rickshaw-pulllers make a killing. Not that I’m complaining. On any other day, the fastest cars leave these rickshaws for dead, often bullying them off the road. Not today! Also some people (read Bangladeshis!) wade through the waters, helping people push their vehicles to higher ground (for a steep price, I might add). The other kinds of people on the streets are the most annoying. While other people braved the worst of the waters, pushing their vehicles along, these people usually climb the highest buildings and watch the poor people trying to escape their fate. Worst are their smiling faces, their demeaning laughs and their asinine comments which makes me believe their brain is also waterlogged, not just the streets. So this guy comes up to me, hot and sweating trying to get my scooter started (damn thing just died), and says, “I think water has entered your engine.” No shit, Einstein, what else would it be? Air? Glycerine? Or just plain dumb? I so wanted to punch him so hard! But my non violent nature took over and I sweetly said, “Thanks and Fuck you!” These kinds of people exist in so large numbers that resisting will only aggravate them.
Also never stand beside a bus in a flooded street. These move and create huge tidal waves threatening to knock you down pull you under. As some people unfortunately found out. Now where’s that surfboard. These artificial waves would have been really great but for the dirty water It felt like you were on a sea shore ionstead of a flooded street. And it seems Accoland theme park is offering the same experience for 200 bucks!! Although with cleaner water!

The only other happiness that comes only in the rainy seasons is watching the ladies!! Yup, wet, very wet ladies! Clothes clinging to their bodies, (drool) seems like one has entered a wet T-shirt contest that’s absolutely free! People with camera phones (or just plain cameras) make the most of this, archiving happy memories in digital format! Remind me to get me one of those next season!

Do you remember the bible? Because people moved away from bring noble folk to just plain bastards, god decides to wipe out everyone except Noah and his family. He asks him to build an ark big enough to hold a pair each of all animals. When this was done, He flooded the whole world and drowned each and every one of the bad people. When the waters receded all that were left were in the Ark that Noah built. You can get more information here. Also a humorous read!

After a horrible five hours in the waterlogged streets I could only think of this! Is this a warning? Have we moved so far away from good that god is trying, in his own way, to remind us to take the righteous path? Tsunamis, heavy floods, etc. are becoming more and more common nowadays. Older people claim this kind of things never happened few years ago.

Anyways, home safe, it was a time for a clinically right bath! And a night of rest. I have been through a lot that day, but to tell you the truth, I still had fun. The water removed the heat wave that had captured the city. And it felt good so see people publicly reprimanding the government for failing to provide for the basic amenities. Maybe times have changed? We need to make life hell for these people just as their negligence made us suffer. Maybe we can catch some of these people and make them sit on the flood for a few hours. That’ll teach ‘em.

Speaking of teaching, it’s not as if the government is at fault alone. Before we look over to others we need to look at us too. No civic manners, no respect for the environment, no sense of duty and no traffic sense… I could go on and. Together with the government, these inborn qualities help make a great city just plain nauseous. We need to learn how not to make the city dirty, learn to take pride in it and just love the city. Get one thing straight, the city’s alive. Treat it well and it will treat you well, and vice-versa.

Whew when I am into so much things it gets really hard to control myself. Check this out:

Playing Final fantasy VII
Listening to Linkin Park's Minutes To Midnight
Downloading Lovely Complex
Watching moves that were in the backlog.
Working on the Project
Developing in Macromedia Flash (Oops! That's Adobe Flash now)
Oh yeah also tutoring my cousin.

Am I working too hard?

Here's also stuff that I'm doing when I am not doing any of the above.

Reading She-Hulk (That's right!) I happened upon the whole collection and reading it ever since. I don't know but the wacky stories and characters just makes me rotflmao. The unique thing about She-Hulk i that she is aware of the fourth wall (a term depicting that realization that the character is a part of a comic book). The way she talks to the readers (!) and editors and creators is quite a cool concept. Heck in one of her books, she is shown carrying off her editor for a little talk.

While in the contect of comic books let me introduce you to a little piece of brilliance:- Liberty Meadows. Featured a while back in the Chicago Times (I think), it is simply intestine splitting hilarious. You can check out some of the strips in here. While there check out the drawings of Frank Cho. Awesome!!

Anyways that's that. My work is calling me. Until next time. Tell me if you liked the links.

Exams over, I decided to see the all new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie in the all new Cinemax Multiplex. Here’s my take on the movie. Feel free to add your two cents.

The awesome sequel-sequel of the Walt Disney's awesome franchise "Pirates of the Caribbean" is freaking awesome. Is it better than the previous ones? Yes and no. Twenty or so minutes into the film, you can't help but wonder if the movie is entirely made around Jack, and Jack alone. So good is Johnny Depp's performance that it is only slightly overshadowed by only the visuals alone (boing!). The other stars' performance are, well, insipid and only Geoffrey Rush’s character gets any response.. William Turner and Elizabeth Swann play the lame characters. Hell, Keira Knightly looks more mannish than Orlando bloom. (Bleah!!)

As I said, the film belongs to Johnny Depp, with him getting the best of lines and sequences. And he makes sure they stay that way. Other characters get to shine some, but they all make a mess of the lines and shots anyway. Even Chow-Yun Fat loses his lines. So much so that the film’s first twenty minutes where Jack is not around feels a little boring.

The only other thing in the movie that is awesome is the visual splendour. WOW! I cannot help but dream of it all through the night. Visual Effects are the biggest impact of films nowadays and every “Pirates” movie tend to make us OD on it. But nobody's complaining! Superb effects like the "End of the World" shots are truly breathtaking. Also is the "Maelstrom" scene. All CGI characters carry a "real" aura within them and models of ships, blowing up, sinking, "surfacing," etc. are awesome to the very core. Superb!! Also awesome is Davy Jones’ face and tentacles. These now have a lifelike appeal even on close-ups. The last film did not take us there very often and I surmise it was because it was hard to do. But with computers becoming faster over the years, they can do so much more.

But where Visual Effects are stunning, story is a little bland. The film tries to score on pirate lore and even if it does so with élan, it feels a little "been there." dead people keep coming back (like Ekta Kapoor's mindless soaps). Villains feel a little foolish, and the film uses a lot of clichés, which brings me to a question. Are we slowly losing good stories to the hold of visual appeals? Major releases this year (read sequels) always almost advertise their over the top visuals and not really pushes the excitement of drama. A good film with a good script will always lose to a film with an average script but great visuals. I guess only future will tell.

Onward with the review now. Another disappointing aspect of the movie is the score. Bland, my man bland! It doesn’t really come to the forefront and lose its touch in the majority of the scenes. But then again maybe it is due to the less than mediocre sound quality of Cinemax Guwahati, who by this time have learnts to tone down the AC and even …..the sound. (Last film I saw made me half-deaf for a couple of hours).

But in conclusion, all of the above combine to make an awesome movie and promises a couple of hours of true entertainment, and that’s exactly what we, the audience need. The Pirates have their best and worst parts, but that what makes it an immensely enjoying film.

I am a simple minded fellow. I do not understand how movie critics think and work. And I was reminded of this fact after watching “Babel.” Here’s a simple minded take on how it was:
Utterly boring! I had the misfortune of watching it late at night. I bought popcorn, prepared my favourite chair and lay back for a good time, or so I thought. What was that? It was a true unforgettable experience. And I thought only Bollywood movies dragged that slowly. The director and probably the storywriter too lost the plot at the very beginning of the film. In Babel two young kids are given a rifle to shoot jackals looking to prey upon their sheep, goats etc. in the murky peaks of a middle-eastern country. So these boys decide to test the rifle’s range by shooting at a tourist bus, injuring Susan (Cate Blanchett), who was literally forced to go with her husband Richard (Brad Pitt). Boy, what a vacation!
Let’s face it. Guns kill. Now there are a lot of gunmen out there, what with hoodlums, terrorists, military personnel, cops and even the Gun enthusiast. But I have probably never come across ANY sane person (not anti-social elements) who would test a rifle’s range by shooting at vehicles, be it adults or a child (wah?). The idea of such an “accident” is not only remote, but improbable too.
This marks the beginning of story no. 1. Unto story no. 2. Southern California and other states near the Mexican border must be a bleary place to live in. Meanwhile (in Comics style), story shifts to Richard and Susan’s children, Debbie and Mike, along with their utterly stupid Mexican nanny, Amelia. It seems that Amelia’s son is getting married and she has no one else to take care of the kids. So caring not to inform the parents she decides to take the children along to bad, bad savage Mexico. What an adventure! Now comes the obvious part. Mexicans with U.S. Kids. Hmmm. Immigration! We have a problem. This introduces story no. 2. Next: Story 3.
In a superfast moving city of Tokyo, losing one’s virginity is the prime concern for city kids. Finding a fellow fucker is hard. Matters aren’t helped if you are dumb and deaf (Deaf-Mute in filmspeak). So when an honourable Japanese businessman’s challenged daughter gets the shots of nymphomania, strategies turn drastic. Also mini sub plots get nowhere within these subplots. This is the setting of the 3rd story.
How these 3 stories are linked is another boring stretched job, director/storywriter does not get it, methinks. All in all, just when you are at least getting a bit interested, you get the boot and story shifts. Also mini sub plots get nowhere within these subplots. Man! That’s awesome…Not! So many films have used this scheme, its not even remotely intriguing at all. Heck, even Bollywood films using this theme find no takers, but that we are also an ignorant lot is a huge factor.
Cutting a long story short, (Hah! Pun!) every story ends well, almost. Find out how, if you are brave enough. Me, I don’t get the depth of it (maybe there isn’t?) and nor will I ever try. Oh the pain, Mercy! Hell if you want to inculcate tough characteristics in a person, make him watch THIS film a few times. Oh yeah! Threatening a person with this film also works. (Give me your money, or I’ll make you watch THIS film 100 times!) Probably why it won an Oscar!
Message of the movie?
Stupid Mexicans! Stay south where you belong!
Nah…
Guns backfire when not used responsibly (With great power comes great responsibility? Duh!)
Nah…
Japanese students wear very short skirts without panties…… (@_@)
Nah…
Don’t go visiting remote Middle-Eastern Countries! Where savages abound!
Nah…
Crap! I don’t get it!!!

Date:	2007-06-02 13:25
Subject:	Bee-sieged
Security:	Public
Mood:	scared
Music:	LP- Minutes to Midnight

Apis mellifera
Honeybee

Characteristics –
Size: 1/2-inch in length.

Color: Golden-yellow in color with darker bands of brown.

Most everyone recognizes the honeybee common to any flowering garden.








Events have occurred which leads me to question Human’s superiority over other beings. The most recent being my battle with bees. Bees are social beings, just like humans but the greatest difference between us and them is the fact that all bees work together as one, yes, this particular trait is predominantly absent in humans. So in a clash between us and them, who will win?
My cousin’s house was invaded by honey-bees. I don’t know why the bees chose his guest room for their next nest, but a chain of events led him to discover the nest only much later. So what does my stupid cousin do? He calls me up and asks… no begs me to get rid of the “problem.” As if.. Me, I am of the opinion of not harming any creatures except for food or when they represent a threat to my existence. The bees weren’t part of the latter. Left alone, they wouldn’t harm us is what I said, but cousin would have none of it, threatening, that unless I found some way to make the bees leave, he would get the most vile method of “murdering” them all. And so I buckled, couldn’t let those bees die could I?
However when I got there a huge surprise awaited for me. My cousin already stared his “Gestapo methods before I got there. Sure enough his guest room was belching a mixture of smoke and whatever he used to eradicate them (I never found out what it was). All possible openings were blocked. The idea was to suffocate the nest and all in it. I could only stand there and watch in dismay as bees started to fall to the ground one by one. *Choke* “Intolerable Cruelty” was running through my mind.
But what we didn’t expect was revenge! Sure enough my dim cousin had not closed all exits properly and now, the bees know they found the exit- the exit which leads to the entire house. It was pure mayhem after that. And I have never been scares more in my life. Thousands of bees came right through the hole, looked around for the perpetrator, saw us and attacked. What happened next is indescribable. There was a flash of light, sound of painful screams, running feet and things tipping over.
For a few moments I could not even recall where I was, or who I was even. But when the dust settled all I could see was that I was outside, with a massively swollen front arm and everything intact. But one look at my cousin told a whole different story. He had been stung many, many many times. *Ouch!* Sure enough he had faced the worst of the bees anger. We had to get medical attention for him while I escaped with two stings. Although we recovered quickly, it was a while before we went back to the battlefield. It was empty, apparently, the bees now found my cousin’s place inhospitable and left to look for some other place. The buzzing was gone, and the silence was only broken by a huge sigh of relief from us.
Sadistic as my cousin was, and a moronical one at that, he suggested that we make a “body count” to which simply lost it. Yes my cousin got another sting… from me! Most satisfying, I guess that’s how a bee feels…. not!! Bees die when they sting. But I was surely glad to be alive and escape with minor injuries.
This brings us to my question:
We, humans, are superior beings (intelligence, power)(so we say), yet we were driven out of our own homes by creatures not even remotely close to our levels. How is that possible? And now I have an answer:
Co-Operation. Yes all the great saints and scholars words ring true. Bees are very dangerous opponents when they attack. All of their attack is co-ordinated. United by instinct, they can even make the most towering opponent fall. It’s a high time we learnt all the virtues that these unlikely creatures can teach us -unity, sacrifice, co-operation, co-ordination and the classic hard-working. Think of it- the invaders became the invaded, driven out of our own abode. If humans only were as the bees, we would have a better world out there.

Date:	2007-05-24 11:41
Subject:	My First Time
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	Flipsyde

I saw it, I saw it. Spidey -3, that is, on a CINEMAX Screen too. For the first time experience, it was not so bad. Only two power cuts marred what could have been a great show. Yep, Power cuts, synonymous with the term THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. But the Dolby Digital was all oh-so-great. I’m never going back to stereo again.

Getting back to the film, this may have been the biggest Spider-man movie ever, with more characters, more action and of course, much more Special Effects. A worthy “torch-bearer” to the Spider-man brand. But the movie is not without its flaws. A tad too long, it has some painfully slow moving storyline at places. Also the end was a little like old Hindi movies with a love triangle. Well you know what I’m talking about.

It’s good to Topher Grace back on the spotlight. I haven’t seen him since the “That 70’s Show.” Its quite a change from the sweet, bumbling teenager to a darker person. But it works. Kirsten Dunst is appealing…. Not. Flat faced, she does feel like a real MJ Watson at times and that’s why she probable is where she is. James Franco as The Green Goblin is good with moves better than Spidey's and the Hoverboard is super cool. That is whack!!! That leaves with Tobey Maguire. He just tries too hard although at best he is just a little above average in the movie. So to sum up, the best character in the movie is the Special Effects. WOW! (Short exclamation!), and BREATHTAKING (Long Exclamation!) describes the movie. Superb graphics, awesome camera angles and explosive sound, yes, this is all it is about, and all the “raking in the moolah” shows this is what we want. This can only get better.

OK about the movie. Now for the CINEMAX experience. (After all it is my “first time”). Have you ever gone out with friends who embarrass you? Well I have never, but for some reason, I did, yesterday, and I was not disappointed. They lived up to their reputation, giggling and talking through the movie. Right next to me. Its amazing what ignorant people do in cinema halls. And if you are of the pea-brained Ignoramus Marwari of Guwahati kind, there’s more tasks to do:

1. Giggle loudly, talk even louder.
2. SMS your friends, with your cellphone screen getting more view than the big one.
3. Run in and out of the theater letting bright sunlight dance on the screen.
4. Take loud sips out of your drink, especially the last morsel.
The last part if a Marwari speciality, although its catching on, fast too.
5. Wear the most dazzling clothes
6. Yak loudly over the phone, with sentences like “Kaise ho tum? Main Achchi hoon.” Picture achcha nahin hai” and the like
7. Take a dozen business calls, letting the audience know what you do for a living.
8. Take some calls outside, opening the doors Wide for the sun to stream in
9. Talk loudest

CINEMAX, it seems, had some leftover broken equipment, which was of course taken in by US. Bad Screen, Bad Projector, it fits, we got the dong. How do you explain several vertical lines running across the screen, blurry movements, powercuts, and very bad audio. Don’t even know whether its surround sound or not. Too loud, too shrill, you are left with ringing ears after a two hour movie. Even me, one who loves it loud was shaken. And that is saying something. Maybe the idea was to push everybody back to the premier suite, away from the speakers.

Oh yeah! Almost forgot. FOOD- the very substance for the existence of our lives. Wow is another word to describe the prices. Yeah baby! 2.5 to 4 times normal rate. Awesome. I wonder what happened to fair price? Probably sitting in the theater too. 25 buckaroo for a 300 ml Soft drink? You think I have money coming out of my ass?

So I did what I had to do, Bought a Pepsi, some popcorn with “gold in them” and sat down meekly for the movie. (After all it was my first time!)

So that sums up my whole First time in a Multiplex jig. Not a very great experience. So would I go back for more?.... Absolutely..